Someone to Hold
by GrayFox474
Summary: *CHAPTER 6 UP* Squall leaves a note in his will. It's a note for Zell. When Squall is found dead, Rinoa is crushed. Zell vows to protect her. What will happen between Zell and Rinoa? R&R.
1. Ocean of Blue

Why? How could this happen to her? Everything was right. She lost it all in one sentence. Why?  
  
"Rinoa…Squall is…dead." Zell whispered. Nothing could have hit Rinoa harder. Her jaw opened and Zell could see the hurt in her eyes. She ran off to Dr. Kadowaki's office.  
  
Zell looked at the ground and remembered everyone's faces as he walked into Kadowaki's office. They all looked terribly sad. Zell could tell Selphie was battling against tears and when she saw Zell's face, she lost her her battle and fell to her knees crying. Quistis openly wept on Seifer's shoulder. Irvine got down and tried to comfort Selphie, but utterly failed. Even Seifer looked glum.  
  
Zell made the mistake of asking "What's wrong?"  
  
"Irvine, you're not helping Selphie. Take Quistis please." Seifer told Irvine.  
  
When Quistis was off his shoulder, Seifer walked over to Zell.  
  
"Zell, I'm gonna be straightforward." Zell nervously swallowed. "Zell, Squall is dead."  
  
Zell's eyes dilated. He breathed raggedly and offbeat.  
  
"No…It can't be." Zell cried.  
  
Seifer relayed the story to Zell quietly.  
  
"Squall had been on a mission to Dollet. Some screw-off kid had been playing around with a gun, a little target practice. He killed Squall and 10 other innocents. He's being held in Galbadia."  
  
Zell's face sunk even lower as a thought crossed his mind.  
  
"Where's Rinoa?" Zell asked piteously.  
  
Seifer winced at her name.  
  
"That's the other thing. We took a vote and…it was unanimous."  
  
Zell's face sunk and his heart did even more.  
  
"A vote about what?" Zell said fearing the answer.  
  
"You'll have to tell Rinoa." Seifer whispered in a barely audible voice. "You were Squall's best friend, it's your responsibility."  
  
Now Quistis couldn't control her sobs, she broke down. She fell to her knees next to Selphie. They hugged each other, crying.  
  
"Please…no. Squall's gone, I couldn't bear telling her." Zell pleaded.  
  
Seifer patted Zell on the shoulder. Selphie stood up, still crying. She wrapped her arms around Zell in a sympathetic embrace. He could feel her tears on his jacket. That's when it hit him like someone had just punched him in the gut, all the air rushed from his lungs. Selphie let go of him and ran to Irvine, who was stifling a tear. Seifer held Quistis, his face emotionless except for the frown that danced on his lips. He pressed his lips to Quistis' delicate forehead.  
  
Zell felt a stinging in his eyes as he looked around the room. He couldn't breathe. (Why,) Zell thought (Why, to the sweetest of all girls…Rinoa.) Zell felt a tear sting his cheek. His best friend, they had made it through everything together. Everything. Squall had finally opened up with Rinoa, then this. Squall constantly talked of Rinoa, like she was the most valuable thing on the planet. Of course, to him, she was. Zell and him had planned to go on a trip to FH to go fishing. They had done so much together.  
  
Zell looked around the room one last time. Tears soaked his cheeks. He sighed, nodded and left the room to find Rinoa.  
  
* * *  
  
All of that lead up to this moment.  
  
"Rinoa…Squall is…dead." Zell whispered.  
  
"Oh…God." Rinoa said barely breathing. Rinoa ran as hard as she could to reach the infirmary. She flew into the room. Rinoa stared at Dr. Kadowaki. Dr. Kadowaki quietly nodded.  
  
Then the impossible happened. A tear fell from Seifer's eyes. It was because he looked into Rinoa's. He saw the hurt in her eyes and saw the exact moment when realization hit her. She was already crying inside. Zell appeared at the doorway as the tears began to flood from Rinoa's eyes. She turned and looked at Zell in hate. She pushed past him.  
  
Zell's heart was drowning in his own locked-away tears. That look from Rinoa opened the floodgates. Everyone stopped crying almost instantly and looked at Zell. They knew what had passed between Zell and Rinoa. They forgot about their own pain and looked at Zell.  
  
  
  
"Oh…my…God." Selphie started crying again, only this time for Zell.  
  
Quistis kissed Zell on the cheek. Crying, she said "You did the right thing, Zell."  
  
Quistis watched Zell's eyes as he cried. It looked like his azure eyes were emptying the ocean he keep within them, like he was losing a piece of his soul. Quistis became hysterical when she saw Zell like that, Seifer ran to her side. Holding her in his arms, as she cried on his chest, Seifer looked at Zell.  
  
Through his tears Zell said, "Great, now I've lost my best friend and the person closest to him, I broke her heart." 


	2. Someone to Hold

Zell walked away from the room, trying to find Rinoa. He didn't care about anything except Rinoa. The tears still fell from his eyes. He found her in the hall that went to her room, she hadn't even reached her room. She sat on her knees, weeping. Zell stood there and worked back the tears.  
  
"Rinoa…" Zell whispered. Her gaze shifted to Zell, that hateful look still in her eyes. She stood shakily to her feet.  
  
"Don't you dare…dare…talk to me." Rinoa said between sobs. "I can't believe you."  
  
"Rinoa, I didn't know. Don't you think I'm hurt. He was my best friend." Zell said empathetically.  
  
Rinoa stomped her foot. "I hate you! This is all your fault!" she screamed. Rinoa ran at him and pounded her fists into his chest. She started crying again and stopped hitting him. She wrapped her arms around him and cried on his chest. She occasionally mumbled about how much she hated him and it was his fault.  
  
Each of Rinoa's sobs killed Zell. He asked himself again, (Why?)  
  
Zell wrapped his arms around Rinoa in a Sympathetic embrace. Their was an incredible loneliness in their embrace.  
  
Zell was ready to stand there for as long as Rinoa needed, until he felt her weaken in his grip. He lifted the emotionally-drained girl into his arms and carried her to her room. She was too weak to struggle. He set her on her bed.  
  
As Zell left the room, he looked into her eyes. That same look of hate was in her eyes…along with a look of longing, but for what he couldn't tell. He assumed love and closed the door as she closed her eyes.  
  
Zell ran his hands through his hair, a nervous habit.  
  
* * *  
  
Zell entered the training center, he was glad none of his friends were there. He didn't want to talk to any of them. He looked for a monster, a grat, anything.  
  
"Where are you! Come out and fight!" Zell roared in a hurt tone.  
  
"Zell, they're not stupid. They can tell something's wrong. They're hiding."  
  
Zell turned around to find Quistis, apparently just over a fit of crying by the way her face looked. (No. I don't wanna talk to you) Zell thought.  
  
There was an awkward silence.  
  
"How is she?" Quistis quietly asked. Zell frowned at her. She could see the tears welling up in his eyes.  
  
"She hates me. We never even truly got to become friends. Squall was our link. Now that he's gone, the way we truly feel about each other comes out." Zell said on the verge of tears.  
  
"Zell, that's not true." Quistis comforted.  
  
"You weren't there, you didn't see the hate on her face." Zell whispered.  
  
Quistis hugged Zell, "In an hour meet in Cid's office, Seifer is getting Rinoa."  
  
Zell nodded in response.  
  
Zell sat there for an hour trying not to think of what else could go wrong.  
  
* * *  
  
As Zell entered Cid's office, he saw Selphie, Quistis, Irvine and Seifer surrounding Rinoa. They were trying to console her. Zell sat in a chair where he wouldn't have to look at Rinoa. They all took their seats. The six seats were arranged in 2 rows of 3. Rinoa sat in the back row with Selphie on her left and Quistis on her right. Zell sat on the left with Irvine to his right and Seifer to Irvine's right.  
  
Cid entered the office and went to stand in front of the 6 of them. Edea cried in the background.  
  
"As you all know, being a SeeD is dangerous. We asked you all to write a will before you joined. I have here, the will of the kind and silent leader of the SeeD's, Squall Leonhart. Seifer, come here." Cid said.  
  
Seifer stood up and walked up to Cid.  
  
"Squall wanted you to have Lionheart." Cid said quietly. Seifer took the gunblade without a word and sat down.  
  
"Irvine." Cid called. Irvine stepped forward and took the box of gunblade bullets, he could use them precisely in Exeter.  
  
"Selphie." Selphie took Squall's jacket. She started to sob.  
  
"Quistis." Quistis' tears flowed freely as she took the picture of when Squall and her were at the beach, hugging. Quistis started to weep.  
  
"Rinoa." Rinoa slowly stood and walked to Cid. Cid whispered "Squall had given his most treasured possession to you already, but he wanted you to have this." Cid handed Rinoa a ring. It was the ring she had found in Squall's room, Laguna had given it to him. She had fallen in love with the ring. She slipped it on her right ring finger. It shone beautifully, yet subtly. She felt the tears nip at her eyes.  
  
"I'm sorry, I still can't believe it." Rinoa cried.  
  
"What are you talking about?!? You have every right to be sad." Irvine consoled. No one noticed Zell had walked up to Cid.  
  
"Zell, he wanted you to have his necklace and this letter." Cid handed him an envelope. He slipped on the necklace and silently vowed to never take it off. He opened the envelope carefully as if it were very fragile. Inside was a note.  
  
-Zell, I'm sorry. If you're reading this, I've failed. My most important job, I've failed. It's sad to think of all the time we spent together, you and I, I miss it. Going fishing, taking walks, seeing Esthar. Zell, I know it's asking a lot but I want you to take over my most important task. Protect Rinoa. Please, I'm pleading with you. For our friendship, take care of her. Thank you Zell.  
  
- Squall Leonhart  
  
  
  
Zell tucked the note into his jacket. (Anything for our friendship) Zell thought. The crowd started moving outside of the room. As they left the room they went their separate ways. Rinoa shivered as if she were freezing. She turned around and saw Zell standing against the wall. She looked away.  
  
"You wanna go for a walk." Zell asked casually. Rinoa sadly nodded.  
  
Zell followed Rinoa, trailing behind by a step.  
  
"Zell…" Rinoa started. Zell stopped and looked at her. "Thank you." she finished.  
  
"For what?" Zell asked.  
  
"For letting me blame you and vent my frustration towards you." She whispered. Zell nodded. In the open breezeway, it was chilly. Rinoa shivered again, rubbing her own arms.  
  
Zell took off his jacket and handed it to her, leaving on his black muscle shirt. She smiled softly. She slipped on the jacket.  
  
"Zell…I'm scared. What's gonna happen to me without Squall? I need reassuring. From anyone or anything. I need company." Rinoa said anxiously.  
  
Zell remembered the note in his jacket that was now close to Rinoa's heart.  
  
Rinoa looked at Zell, searching those oceans of azure. Searching for a companion. Zell smiled weakly. He swallowed the lump in his throat.  
  
"I'll be your company." Zell said softly.  
  
"You will? Thank you so much Zell. I really need a friend. I need…" Rinoa smiled as she spoke, tears shining in her eyes.  
  
Rinoa threw her arms around Zell, Zell slowly returned the embrace. It felt warm. It was comforting. Rinoa was no longer cold. With her arms still around him, she looked into his eyes, searching again. She loved the sapphire orbs. Zell also searched the raven-haired girl's hazel eyes. Rinoa found what she had been searching for, a companion, a trustworthy friend and…  
  
Zell no longer saw hate in her eyes, he saw relief and fatigue and the longing he had seen, he understood now.  
  
Rinoa rested her head on Zell's shoulder, he breathed in the wonderful scent of her hair. A Lilac field or maybe Plumeria or even Hyacinths.  
  
She drew closer to his body, to that reassuring warmth.  
  
"I need…Someone to hold." Rinoa silently said. 


	3. Training

Zell felt the water run over his body. He hadn't taken a hot shower in a long time. It felt great.  
  
Zell was thoroughly confused about what had passed between Rinoa and himself. He convinced himself that it was a consoling hug. He was her guardian now, even if she didn't know it. He stepped out of the shower.  
  
Something was up with Rinoa though. She had locked herself in her bedroom and wouldn't let anyone in. Occasionally, she came out for food. Only Quistis and Selphie had seen her. Girls were intuitive like that.  
  
Rinoa hadn't even let Angelo in. Zell had let Angelo stay with him. Rinoa had been in her room for two days.  
  
Zell put on his usual outfit minus the jacket. He only put on his black muscle shirt. Zell was training today. He opened the door to his room.  
  
"Come on Angelo." Zell called. Zell always started by running around the whole garden. He walked towards Selphie's room. He always checked on everyone before he went running, it was especially important to him this week. He knocked on Selphie's door.  
  
"Selph, you there?" Zell asked. The door opened.  
  
"Hey Zell." Selphie said smiling slightly. She waved him into the room. Quistis was sitting on Selphie's bed. Quistis smiled as she saw Zell.  
  
"What are you guys doing?" Zell questioned.  
  
"Just Talking, about…everything really. Irvine and Her. Seifer and me. Rinoa and Squall. You. What's been happening." Quistis commented. Zell appreciated the way she hadn't put Rinoa and him in the same pairing.  
  
It had only been three days since Squall's death had been announced to them. It all happened so fast. Since Rinoa had been locked away for 2 days, everything truly happened in one day. Everyone was still hurting and would probably never stop hurting.  
  
"That's great… where's Irvine and Seifer?" Zell asked.  
  
"Seifer went to Balamb, shopping. I didn't want to go." Quistis said seriously.  
  
Zell almost laughed. Quistis not wanting to go shopping?  
  
Selphie had a quizzical look on her face.  
  
"That's weird, Irvine just went looking for you." Selphie said concerned.  
  
"Don't worry about him." Zell smiled as he spoke.  
  
There was an uncomfortable silence. All 3 were afraid of the next question. Zell broke the silence with a whisper.  
  
"How is she?"  
  
"…"  
  
"Not good. Zell, we've tried talking to her, she's so depressed and angry and an assortment of other emotions. Zell, you were wrong. She doesn't hate you. She almost smiled when we had a conversation about you." Quistis said gleefully. Quistis looked to Selphie for support.  
  
"Yeah, she really did." Selphie smiled.  
  
Zell had an empty look on his face.  
  
"What's wrong Zell?" Selphie sincerely asked  
  
"…Stay away from conversations about me around Rinoa. I don't care what you two say about me when you're alone or even with Irvine and Seifer but don't talk about me around Rinoa." Zell commanded.  
  
"Zell, we weren't talking bad about you at all, it was all compliments and a little teasing." Selphie said honestly. Quistis nodded her agreement.  
  
"All we said was how you…" Quistis started.  
  
"I don't want to hear about it. Just leave me out of your conversations with Rinoa." Zell pleaded.  
  
Zell left the room, leaving the two puzzled girls alone.  
  
As he walked towards the infirmary, where he started his run around the garden, he ran into Irvine.  
  
"Zell, what are you doing here?" Irvine asked semi-nervously.  
  
"Starting my run." Zell replied.  
  
"Can I run with you?" Irvine asked. Zell nodded. "Where to?" Irvine questioned.  
  
"Around the entire garden." Zell responded.  
  
Zell started running, not even checking to see if Irvine was with him. Angelo was trailing at Zell's heels. Irvine ran behind.  
  
Zell tried not to think…past the cafeteria…past the Quad…past the hallway to Rinoa's room. (No, don't think Zell.) Zell thought. Zell ran towards his haven, the training center. He always ran through there. He could feel Angelo's panting breath on his ankles. He could hear trailing footsteps, a yard or two behind him. He could feel the sweat run down his forehead as he pasted the training center for the 6th time. He entered the 7th time, lucky number 7.  
  
Zell could hear talking in the training center. Then he remembered they taught a class in there. Zell skimmed past the class behind the students who sat learning a lesson in fighting.  
  
"Zell!" the Instructor called. Zell stopped running and turned towards her. "Possibly you could teach these kids a lesson, they're not understanding it."  
  
"I'm kind of training right now. I'm running." Zell said catching his breath.  
  
"Please." The Instructor said sweetly. Zell could never resist a chance to help someone, let alone a pretty face. Zell sighed and nodded. He walked to the front of the class. He studied the rather simple (for a martial artist) combination of moves. A right jab, left jab, double drop kick, mid- kick, high kick, roundhouse kick, mach kick. Zell would have finished it with Burning Rave. Zell started to explain how it worked.  
  
However, the females in the class were too busy staring at him to listen. They stared at his muscle shirt, which contoured his body and his finely toned, lean physique. They stared at his hair which had begun to droop onto his face, filled with sweat. He had a husky smell about him, the smell of his masculine body mixed with the smell of a strangely mesmerizing deodorant. The entire group of girls sighed in unison.  
  
The guys found the lesson interesting. They were being taught by a pro. They listened intently as Zell explained.  
  
"You see, the hardest part of this combination is the transition between mo…" Zell began.  
  
"Zell…Wait…Up!" Irvine panted.  
  
Irvine looked around and saw the class. Seeing the young girls around him and trying to maintain his reputation he instantly caught his breath. He winked at the young girls. They were too busy staring at Zell to notice him wink. Zell wiped the moist hair that hung over his eyes back over his head. Zell sighed.  
  
"If you can't keep up Kinneas, don't run with me." Zell said, clearly frustrated.  
  
Irvine didn't even notice Zell had spoken to him.  
  
"Anyway, work on the transition and you'll get it right." Zell said and then demonstrated the combination twice.  
  
"Now listen to your instructor." Zell said in a mock-fierce voice and smiled that toothy grin of his.  
  
Zell started to run again, he noticed Irvine had decided to stop running. Angelo followed him faithfully though. He ran back to his room, intent on taking another shower.  
  
He entered his bedroom and headed for the bathroom.  
  
"Zell…"  
  
Zell jumped slightly and turned around.  
  
"Selphie…How'd you get in here?" Zell asked suspiciously.  
  
"You left the door open." Selphie responded. "Anyway, I was wondering if you wanted to go to Fisherman's Horizon with me for a couple of days."  
  
"Yeah, who else is coming?" Zell questioned.  
  
"Just you and me. I thought we could have some time to talk. Quistis could be alone with Seifer and also look out for Rinoa. Irvine could have some alone time." Selphie smiled slightly as she talked. Zell was surprised that Selphie wanted to go with him.  
  
"Sounds great, when?" Zell asked.  
  
"Now." Selphie replied.  
  
"Okay, I just need to take a shower and pack and tell Quistis to look after Angelo." Zell commented.  
  
"I already packed your stuff and told Quistis. Besides, it doesn't bother me, you can take a shower when we get there.  
  
"Okay." Zell said dumbfounded, he pet Angelo and said goodbye. 


	4. FH Trip

It was no more than a fifteen minute drive to Fisherman's Horizon. Selphie was driving, Zell was in the passenger seat. They been driving for about one minute.  
  
"So, how are you Zell?" Selphie asked.  
  
"Tired." He responded sleepily.  
  
"Then take a nap." Selphie said cheerily.  
  
Zell smiled, put the seat back and went to sleep almost instantly.  
  
Selphie sat a few minutes in silence, she looked over at Zell. (He's so cute when he sleeps, look at the way his lips move just enough so you can see his teeth, those adorable canines.) Selphie smiled as she thought. She looked at Zell, a glint of silver about his neck. She stopped the car.  
  
She reached towards the silver and gently pulled it from his neck. It was a chain. She pulled the chain and on the end of it was…it was…  
  
"Squall's necklace…" Selphie whispered amazed.  
  
Zell shot awake, ripping Selphie's hands away from the necklace. He was breathing heavily.  
  
"Don't…touch…the…necklace." Zell said in between breaths. Zell took a few seconds to catch his breath. "I made a vow I wasn't going to take it off." Zell said.  
  
"So that's what Squall gave you! We couldn't figure it out, not me, not Quisty, not Irvine and not Seifer." Selphie said still taken-aback. "That's so…awesome!" Selphie grinned.  
  
In ten minutes they reached FH, parked and got out of the car to go to the hotel. They walked in and Selphie asked if they had any rooms vacant.  
  
"One and it's a single bed room." the clerk said smiling wryly.  
  
"We'll take it." Selphie smiled triumphantly. Zell smiled at her bubbling jubilance.  
  
They walked to their room. As they entered Zell spoke, "I'm gonna go take a shower."  
  
"Okay, I'm gonna change, meet me at the bridge." Selphie said smiling.  
  
Zell hopped in the shower. He checked the clock before turning on the water. It was 6:30. He didn't realize what a late start he had gotten running. Selphie changed quickly and ran out to look at the beautiful water.  
  
Zell got of the shower and put on his normal outfit. He put on a jacket, he noticed Selphie's jacket was still in the room, he grabbed it. He also took a blanket, Selphie must have been freezing, that breeze from the water was cold.  
  
Zell casually walked to the bridge, he could see Selphie sitting on the huge bridge, her feet hanging out over the edge, they must've been fifty feet above the water. She had her arms wrapped around herself, shivering.  
  
"Selph!" Zell called. She looked at him and waved. He ran towards her and handed her her jacket.  
  
"Thanks. It's freezing!" Selphie exclaimed. She wrapped the coat around herself. Zell sat down next to her and laid the blanket over them.  
  
"It's beautiful, isn't it?" Selphie asked staring over the water watching the sunset. Zell nodded in response.  
  
"So, what did you want to talk about?" Zell questioned.  
  
"It's about you and Rinoa. Are you an item?" Selphie bluntly asked. Selphie hadn't decided whether she liked or disliked the idea of Rinoa and Zell. At this point, she disliked it.  
  
Zell sighed a frustrated sigh. "I knew it. I knew it. You just couldn't stay off the topic, could you."  
  
"Zell, it's too soon for Rinoa. She's still vulnerable." Selphie said sympathetically. Zell threw off the blanket and stood up angrily.  
  
"Yeah, it figures your worried about Rinoa." Zell said disgusted. He started to walk back towards the hotel. He turned around.  
  
"By the way, Rinoa and I aren't seeing each other." Zell spoke and then walked to the hotel.  
  
Selphie felt like such a jerk. She stood up and ran to the hotel. She rushed into the room, Zell wasn't there. She felt so cold, she sadly pulled back the sheets. She climbed into bed and tried to fall asleep.  
  
* * *  
  
Zell entered the room, he had walked around town to cool off. He saw Selphie asleep in the bed. He quietly walked over to her. He stared at her innocent, angelic face. She was only trying to protect her friend. Zell pushed the hair that hung over Selphie's face back. She smiled when she felt Zell's strong, warm hands on her face.  
  
Zell rolled out his sleeping bag, grabbed the other pillow off the bed and got into the sleeping bag. He fell asleep almost instantly.  
  
* * *  
  
Zell saw himself walking the halls of Balamb garden. He saw Rinoa running towards him. She threw herself at him, attacking his mouth with passionate kisses. Zell saw Squall standing behind his dream Zell. Squall started to break down and cry. Rinoa was still launching her mouth against dream Zell's.  
  
Zell shot up, drenched in sweat. He was in FH. He was on the floor, he looked around. Selphie was sleeping on the bed.  
  
"Hyne…" Zell was breathing heavily. "I'm not gonna let that happen…" Zell muttered to himself.  
  
* * *  
  
Selphie found herself drifting through the halls of Balamb garden. She stopped when she heard a loud scream. She ran towards the sound. Squall was on the ground, dying. He was whispering something into Zell's ear. Rinoa appeared and burst into tears. Zell walked up to Rinoa and embraced her. Rinoa looked into his eyes. They kissed lightly.  
  
* * *  
  
Selphie woke up after a wonderful night of dreams. She saw Zell asleep on the floor. She looked at his face, she watched as his chest rose and fell. That was when she decided she truly wanted Zell and Rinoa together. After the dream she had just had, she knew it was right.  
  
Selphie swung her feet out of bed. She was in a white lace nightgown. She gently shook Zell. He slowly awoke. Zell didn't want to tell Selphie about his dream and vice versa.  
  
"Come on, we're leaving at noon." Selphie said as she shook Zell.  
  
"Yeah, but it's only 6:00 right now." Zell mentioned. Selphie continued to shake him until he stood up, he stretched and yawned.  
  
* * *  
  
By the time they reached the dock, it was 6:37. They sat down and wrapped a blanket around themselves.  
  
"Zell, I'm sorry about last night." Selphie said sincerely. Zell shook his head.  
  
"Don't worry about it." Zell dismissed the thought. There was an awkward silence between them.  
  
"Zell…do you love her?" Selphie asked. Zell was taken aback.  
  
"Selphie…I couldn't. I would feel like I'm betraying Squall. No, I don't have feelings for Rinoa. However, I want to protect her." Zell commented. Selphie felt a pang of sadness for him and Rinoa.  
  
"Zell, do you think…that's how Irvine feels about me?" Selphie nervously questioned.  
  
"No way, he's completely in love with you. He'd give the world for you Selphie. He's obsessed. You're all he wants." Zell said truthfully.  
  
"Oh…Yay!" Selphie exclaimed joyously. She wrapped her arms around Zell and rested her head on Zell's shoulder. They sat together watching the sunrise. Selphie was planning on what to tell Quistis when they returned.  
  
* * *  
  
The door slowly opened. It was midnight. Rinoa slowly crept the halls. She knocked on Quistis's door. Rinoa could hear someone groggily get out of bed.  
  
"Seifer…not now." Rinoa could hear Quistis grumble. Quistis opened the door. She was surprised. "Rinoa!" she cried.  
  
"Hey." Rinoa said and smiled weakly. "Did I come at a bad time?" Rinoa asked.  
  
"No. Come in. Please." Quistis insisted. Rinoa sat down and Quistis's bed. Quistis closed the door and sat on the bed. "What do you want to talk about?" Quistis inquired.  
  
"It's about Zell." Rinoa blurted. (Oh Hyne) Quistis thought.  
  
"Yeah." Quistis said shakily.  
  
"I've been thinking about it lately. I…like him. No, I like it when he holds me. The way he holds me. Oh Hyne! I don't know. I just know I wanna be near him. He's warm and comforting." Rinoa confessed.  
  
"That's normal, when you're in pain, you want someone near you, to let you cry on their shoulder. It's nothing to be upset about." Quistis reassured.  
  
"But why Zell! Why Squall's best friend! Why not Irvine or Seifer or anyone!" Rinoa cried.  
  
"Honestly Rinoa, I don't know. However, it might be because he's the only one who knows how you feel now that you're alone." Quistis said calmly. Tears formed at Rinoa's eyes. She sobbed gently. Quistis reached over and hugged her. Rinoa returned the hug.  
  
"Thanks Quistis." Rinoa sobbed.  
  
"See you tomorrow for breakfast?" Quistis  
  
asked. Rinoa nodded. "Now go get some rest." Quistis said smiling.  
  
* * *  
  
Zell and Selphie entered Garden and unpacked. Zell laid down on his bed and stared at the pendant around his neck, studying it. It was lunchtime. Everyone must have been in the cafeteria. He didn't care, he needed to think.  
  
Selphie stole away to the cafeteria, leaving Zell to his thoughts. Selphie planned to find Quistis and tell her about Zell and her trip. 


	5. First Kiss

Selphie entered the cafeteria. There was a lot of noise, everyone was talking. There they were, Seifer and Irvine standing in line and Quistis was at that table with…Rinoa! Selphie ran to the table and threw her arms around Rinoa.  
  
"Rinoa, you're okay. That's so great. Why did you come out?" Selphie said excitedly.  
  
"I came out last night." Rinoa answered quietly as if she didn't want to speak for too long.  
  
"That's great!" Selphie exclaimed. Selphie gave Quistis a friendly embrace.  
  
"So…how was it? Did it solve anything?" Quistis asked.  
  
"Yeah, it really did." Selphie smiled.  
  
"How's…you know?" Quistis questioned careful not to say his name in front of Rinoa.  
  
"Good…I hope. He's in his room thinking." Selphie answered carefully choosing her words in front of Rinoa. Rinoa turned her head.  
  
"Zell's here, isn't he?" Rinoa asked hopefully.  
  
"…Yeah." Selphie admitted.  
  
"I'll go get him." Quistis offered.  
  
* * *  
  
Quistis saw that the door to Zell's room was open. She slowly entered into it. He was totally engrossed with the pendant he held. It was Squall's! So that's what Squall gave him.  
  
She stared at the young man. He was like a brother to her and looked the part as well. When she looked at Zell, she saw her male counterpart. His blonde hair and deep sapphire eyes, staring intently at the pendant. Quistis loved Zell dearly. He was her little brother. She looked out for him and occasionally set him back on the right path. She smiled looking at him. She casually brushed the hair out of her face. She walked up to Zell.  
  
"Zell…" Quistis said. Zell snapped out of his trance.  
  
"Quist." Zell smiled. She reached down and hugged him. He returned the gesture. They broke the embrace.  
  
"Rinoa wants to see you." Quistis whispered. Zell nodded. "Let's go." Quistis put out her hand and Zell took it.  
  
* * *  
  
Rinoa and Selphie talked. Well, Selphie talked.  
  
Irvine and Seifer returned with the food, only enough for 4 people.  
  
"Selph!" Irvine called. Selphie jumped up and ran to him. They embraced and gently kissed. "You feeling better?" Irvine asked. Selphie nodded vigorously.  
  
"Where's Quistis?" Seifer asked Selphie.  
  
"She went to get Zell." Selphie responded. Seifer sat down, one seat away from Rinoa. Irvine sat across from Seifer. Selphie sat across from Quistis's seat which was in between Rinoa's seat and Seifer's.  
  
Quistis entered with Zell, she was gently pulling him towards the group's table.  
  
Selphie looked towards Rinoa, who was staring at her own lap. "Rin." Selphie whispered sharply. Rinoa looked at Selphie. Selphie discreetly shook her head towards Quistis and Zell. Rinoa's lips were at the beginnings of a smile. Quistis sat in between Seifer and Rinoa. Zell stood there, letting everyone, save Rinoa, who was looking at the floor, stare at him. Zell nervously rubbed a hand through his hair.  
  
Seifer's eyes got wider. He casually cleared his throat. "Zell, why don't you sit down and I'll go get you and Selphie some food." Seifer said making sure Zell got the message. As Seifer got up to get Zell and Selphie some food he shoved Zell towards the seat across from Rinoa. Zell pulled the chair out and plopped down on it. An awkward silence lay on the entire table.  
  
Selphie started to talk to Quistis, as well as Irvine to Seifer. They excluded Rinoa and Zell from their conversations, it wasn't an accident of course. Zell stared at Rinoa, gazing at her feminine features. Rinoa slowly looked up from the floor, meeting Zell's gaze. (Wow. Rinoa's taking this really hard. I understand completely, but I never thought she, of all people, would become shy.) Zell thought surprised. A smile slowly crossed her lips. It was the first time she had smiled since Squall's death. (Hyne she's gorgeous. Whoa, Zell. Calm down.) Zell thought. Neither Zell, nor Rinoa had noticed, but Seifer, Selphie, Irvine and Quistis had stopped talking and were staring intently at Rinoa and Zell.  
  
"Hi Zell." Rinoa said in a barely audible voice. Zell returned the smile.  
  
"Hey Rinoa." Zell responded. Rinoa slowly stood up and walked around the table to sit in the empty seat next to Zell.  
  
Quistis breathed a sigh of relief. Selphie grinned joyfully at Quistis. Irvine and Seifer smiled.  
  
"How was your trip?" Rinoa softly asked.  
  
"Great. Selphie and I watched the sunrise and the sunset and we talked a lot." Zell said happily.  
  
"You want to go for a walk." Rinoa asked, her voice back to it's normal volume. Zell nodded. Rinoa reached for Zell's hand, she grasped it gently, letting the heat flow from one hand to the other. Rinoa's hand felt warm and silky to Zell's touch. She smiled at him. He stood up and they left the cafeteria, hand in hand.  
  
Quistis and Selphie both reached over to their boyfriends and grasped their hands.  
  
* * *  
  
Rinoa and Zell walked close together, no longer holding hands. They walked around the courtyard of Balamb garden in silence. Occasionally, Zell glanced at Rinoa to see how she the expression on her face.  
  
"Zell…what do you think…Squall would be doing if he was here right now." Rinoa asked breaking the silence.  
  
"I'm sure he would be in my spot, standing next to you, holding you tight." Zell responded, reminiscing on the image of his best friend and Rinoa embracing.  
  
"I miss him so much Zell. Unbelievably much." Rinoa smiled a heart- wrenching smile. Her eyes started to water.  
  
Zell grabbed her by the arm and turned her toward him. He placed a gloved hand on her face, gently wiping the tears out of her eyes.  
  
"Me too Rinoa…me too." Zell whispered.  
  
"Oh, Zell." Rinoa cried. She wrapped her arms around him, she was still emotionally fatigued. Zell gently wrapped his arms around her petite, slender body. She soaked his chest with her tears. Zell could only think of his departed best friend.  
  
When she stopped crying, her eyes were sore from the amount of crying she had done in the last few days.  
  
"I missed you. You know, it's not the same without you here." Rinoa commented.  
  
(No, Hyne no. Please.) Zell thought frantically. Rinoa drew closer to him.  
  
"Zell…I don't know what it is. Maybe I'm lonely. Maybe I'm love-starved. Maybe I just like the reassuring warmth. Whatever it is, I need to be close to you. I love being near you. Zell…I need to hold you and have you return the embrace. Zell…" Rinoa confessed.  
  
"No…" Zell mumbled.  
  
"Please." Rinoa pleaded.  
  
"No…oh…please no." Zell cried on the verge of tears. Rinoa had made up her mind.  
  
"Zell…I'm going to kiss you." Rinoa stated.  
  
"Rinoa, don't, it's not right." Zell begged.  
  
"Zell…I didn't ask." Rinoa whispered.  
  
Rinoa placed her left hand on Zell's cheek and her right hand on his neck. She slowly pressed her soft, velvety lips against Zell's. She opened her lips slightly, drawing in his lips caressing them softly. Zell felt the tears begin to flow down his cheeks. 


	6. Unexpected Reactions

Rinoa felt it. That magical spark you feel when you kiss someone who you really want to get to know. She felt it with Squall and she was feeling it again. It was immersion in total bliss. A second of Utopia. She felt safe for the first time since Squall's death. She wanted, no, needed more. She needed the passion that lovers feel, not the lust, but the passion for each other, to be close to each other. To hold each other. She didn't want to break the kiss.  
  
Zell hated it, every vile moment of it. It felt putrid and rancid. It tasted like betrayal and deceitfulness. Still, he returned the kiss, against his will. What choice did he have. That letter Squall had written to him, he vowed upon it. To protect and serve Rinoa. He would do anything and everything in his power to protect Rinoa, regardless of the consequences. Zell had taken that letter as if it were Squall's death wish, he would do anything to please Rinoa. However not only his duty bound him to that kiss, somewhere hidden within his heart, his body didn't want to let go of Rinoa. However, the most prominent feeling was betrayal, he felt like he was the dirtiest, most disloyal person ever.  
  
But maybe Zell hated that kiss for another reason besides being what he considered "disloyal". Maybe it was the fact Zell had grown so used to being the only member of the group without a lover. He had finally gotten over that fact. He decided to shun love and all of it's benefits. He was used to seeing Quistis and Seifer go out. He was used to seeing Selphie and Irvine go out. He was used to seeing Squall and Rinoa go out. He was even used to the double or even triple dates they went on. He was seldom invited. Even when he was invited, he didn't want to go, seeing them like that depressed him. He was constantly lonely. Each time he saw Seifer and Quistis hold hands, his heart ached and yearned for someone of his own. Each time he saw Selphie and Irvine embrace, his heart sunk lower into his chest. Each time he saw Rinoa and Squall kiss, his heart broke into a thousand pieces. When he was younger, (even though it was less than a year ago) and more naïve at that, he still believed in a slight glimmer of hope, that he still had a chance with Quistis and Selphie and even Rinoa. As he grew, he thought about it less and less, but now he realized it wasn't going to happen. So now, Zell had abandoned all hope of love. He highly doubted love was a reality. For them maybe, I mean Squall had the silent, omnipotent act going for him. Irvine had the charm and ladies man features. Seifer had the good looks. Quistis was beautiful beyond compare, angelic even. Rinoa had a kind heart, a bubbly personality, willing to talk to everyone. Selphie was so active and perky, it was as if she flowed part of her energy into you, making you excited and joyful. What did Zell have, nothing…and he hated himself for it. After abandoning love, he tried to be happy for and content with his friends. He stored up all of these different emotions and locked them away in his heart. Instead of trying to find love for himself, he tried to help the other's loves. He knew that even if he did find someone, it wouldn't be the same because they weren't truly a part of the group. Everyone else had a lover that was in their group of friends, so there really was no one left for him and he didn't want someone out of the group. However, more than anything else, he didn't want his friends to be hurt and have their hearts broken, so his hope for love died. That was the other reason he hated this kiss.  
  
Rinoa pulled away from Zell. She smiled. The tears still fell from Zell's face.  
  
"I'll see you later, Zell. In an hour, we'll all meet up. I'll go to tell everyone." Rinoa said blissfully. Zell nodded.  
  
"What's wrong, Zell?" Rinoa asked deeply concerned.  
  
"Nothing." Zell said piteously.  
  
"Meet us in an hour, please." Rinoa said. Rinoa walked away to go to tell the others. Both Zell and herself could tell she was beginning to recover from her loss.  
  
Zell watched as she walked away. He fell to his knees and vomited. He vomited a second time. Then he buried his face in his hands and wept right there.  
  
* * *  
  
Rinoa walked back to the group, who was still sitting at the table in the cafeteria. Quistis and Selphie were beaming at each other and talking in whispers.  
  
"Hey guys." Rinoa said, a smile evident on her face. That was the first fully evident smile on Rinoa's face since Squall's death.  
  
"Where's Zell?" Quistis asked smugly.  
  
"In the courtyard. We're all going to meet at my room in an hour, Okay?" Rinoa asked.  
  
They all nodded.  
  
Rinoa left the cafeteria and started walking to her dorm.  
  
* * *  
  
Zell stood up, he was dizzy. He staggered to his room, hoping he could make it there unnoticed. He slowly opened the door and entered, he flicked on the light.  
  
Quistis was sitting cross-legged on his bed, a smirk glowing on her face.  
  
"How's it going, Zell?" Quistis said smugly.  
  
Zell turned around and faced the door. He sighed, a frown creasing his face. A hand instantly reached up and gripped the pendant on his neck. He could feel the sharp point digging into his flesh, drawing blood.  
  
"Quistis, she kissed me." Zell whispered almost inaudibly as if Squall himself might hear.  
  
"What?" Quistis gasped.  
  
"What were you thinking? Zell, you're rushing her." Quistis said hectically, running over to Zell.  
  
Zell turned spun around quickly. "I said, She kissed me." Zell said clearing it up for Quistis.  
  
Quistis could see the blood dripping from Zell's hand. His hand still had a death grip on the pendant as if letting go of it would do more harm than it already was. Quistis could smell the rancidness of his breath, as if he had just been throwing up. Quistis put a hand over her mouth and shuddered.  
  
"What happened?" Quistis said dismayed.  
  
"I told you, Rinoa kissed me." Zell said repeating himself. Quistis could tell his grip tightened on the necklace.  
  
Quistis put her hands on Zell's bloody one. "Zell, open your hand." Quistis said calmly and authoritatively. Zell's hand opened slowly, blood spewed forth and Quistis could tell Zell had impaled his hand on the necklace. She gently pulled his hand off and used a cure on his hand. A little mark was left in the wound's place.  
  
He melted into Quistis's arms. She wrapped her arms around him. She held him like the brother she always wished she had…no, the brother he always was to her. She rubbed the back of his head soothingly. She could feel his tears wetting her back. She could hear him whisper "Squall…I'm sorry…Squall." over and over again.  
  
Why did she have to be the oldest? Why couldn't it have been Seifer or Zell. Seifer was only 3 months younger than her. Zell was only 4 months younger than Seifer. She wanted to break down and cry just as much, if not more than Zell was. She wanted Zell to be the adult, to hold her as she cried. Instead, she was here cradling him as he wept over the loss of his best friend.  
  
She pulled Zell's head off of her shoulder and held it in her hands. She looked him directly in the eyes.  
  
"Zell, listen closely to me." Quistis started. "We're going to make it through this together." She finished confidently.  
  
Zell nodded his consent.  
  
Seeing that the younger blonde had stopped crying brought tears to her eyes. It was her turn to weep over her lost friend.  
  
(Together, just little brother and big sister.) Quistis thought as a smile crossed her face.  
  
She embraced Zell, crying on his shoulder as he tried his best to soothe her. 


End file.
